September 25, 2011 started like any other day. I woke up early because I was shooting a birthday party in Havana. After the birthday party I had to rush downtown to shoot formals for Springtime Tallahassee.
I wrapped up the formal shoot around 2:00 and headed home. Brandon had bought new tennis rackets so we decided to head to the tennis courts to test them out.
We played for about 30 minutes before I was over it. We decided to head to Wal-Mart because B needed to buy a new hunting license. As we sat at the counter in the hunting department, I got a phone call from my Grandma.
I can still hear her words clear as day. “Jenna, I can’t get your Dad to answer the bedroom door”.
My Dad started living with my Grandma after my Granddaddy passed away in 2006 to help take care of her.
I told my Grandma he was probably just ignoring her like he always did when he was napping, but that we would head over.
My Grandma only lives 3 miles from the Wal-Mart, but that day the drive seemed like forever. The whole time I kept telling B that I had a weird feeling and I felt very nervous.
When we arrived at my Grandma’s I quickly walked back to his bedroom and began knocking. I could hear the box fan going and his dog was whimpering and barking.
After knocking on the door and calling out for my Dad several times, I knew something was wrong. My Dad would always answer to my voice.
I began frantically banging and banging on the door. Finally B came and broke through the door.
The moment I saw my Dad laying in bed I just knew he was gone. As B ran over to my Dad, I grabbed my Grandma before she could see him and walked her to the family room where I called 911.
From there it all just seemed like a dream. A dream that I couldn’t wake up from. A dream that I remember seeing everyone around me moving but I couldn’t hear but bits and pieces.
I remember talking to the 911 operator and she was asking me if he was breathing. Then it all went quite. I don’t remember what I said at all.
I remember setting down the phone to walk back to my Dad’s room and I remember hearing B say to my Dad as he was doing CPR….”Please Mr. Russell please wake up”.
Next thing I remember was paramedics and police officers everywhere. I was so confused and overwhelmed.
I remember walking down the hallway to see what was going on when one of the paramedics stopped me and said “I’m sorry your Dad has passed away”.
From there I just remember running. Running to get away. Running to be alone. Running to find my Dad.
It’s funny how in tune you become when you lose someone. It’s like you finally see all of the beauty that you have been too busy to notice.
That next week was overwhelming all in itself. From planning my Dad’s funeral to listening to all of the stories being told.
Two weeks after my Dad’s passing I wrote this blog post on my photography page “Why am I a photographer”.
To this day I still get upset over my Dad’s passing. A simple song, a bird flying in the air, seeing a “Big Gulp” cup in the road can set me into a crying frenzy.
I still don’t have the nerve to turn off his cell phone because whenever I need to hear his voice all I have to do is call it.
Going through all of the firsts is hard too. Halloween was always our holiday. He would always come over and help me pass out the candy to the little ones in our neighborhood.
My birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, his birthday, Easter….and now this weekend I will face Father’s Day without him.
Maybe that is why I am sitting here crying and having anxiety. =(
xoxo,
Jenna
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